Mediation-Alternative Dispute Resolution in NJ Divorce Cases
Mediation-Alternative Dispute Resolution in NJ Divorce Cases
Many separating couples walk away from each other with hard feelings, regrets, anxiety, and anger. These are not the best feelings to have when you have to negotiate a divorce settlement. That's where a mediator can become a valuable tool in creating a reasonable and agreeable separation agreement.
What is mediation?
Mediation is a cost-effective way for both parties to come to a mutual agreement on separation issues such as alimony, child custody, child support, visitation, debt division, and asset distribution. The couple can choose to meet with a NJ licensed mediator (usually an attorney or psychologist) in anywhere from two to four hours. At the end of the sessions, the agreement reached on these issues can be given to a divorce attorney of one of the spouses to begin preparing the separation agreement paperwork.
Mediator vs. Attorney
Even though your mediator may be an attorney, you still need to eventually get a divorce attorney. The mediator is a neutral party and it would be a conflict of interest for he or she to then take on the divorce lawyer role.
How to Choose a Mediator in NJ
I have researched mediation and divorce laws in New Jersey for my job during the past nine months. When it came time for me to enter the turbulent waters of divorce, I decided to practice what I write.
I asked trusted colleagues and other attorneys I know whose expertise does not include family law. I had three mediators to choose from. Two of the mediators were local attorneys in Morris County, while the third mediator has a background in child psychology. I asked if the mediators offered a free consultation. Two mediators did. The third mediator spoke with me on the telephone for about 15 minutes. Although I felt comfortable speaking with her, she did not offer a free consultation.
My husband and I met with one of the mediators andI learned many questions we would need to address before we actually sat down and prepared the agreement. I found out that I am entitled to alimony, and child support is calculated by a formula and not really emotions like I thought. I noted all the information the mediator asked us for, including the items on the next list.
Information to Provide a Mediator
- Name and alias
- Date of birth and social security number
- Date and place of marriage
- Current Address
- Name and address of employer and previous employer
- Net monthly salary and gross yearly salary
- Highest salary earned in the last five years
- Education
- Children's names, ages, disabilities if any
- Future needs of your children. For example, college, if emancipated, etc.
- Ideas for the type of custody and visitation arrangements
- Assets
- Debts
- Medical insurance, life insurance, and car insurance information
- Legal proceedings
The mediator then discussed with us his qualifications and fees. He predicted our case would take four hours to mediate. What turned us off with this mediator was the very high retainer he asked us for. Not that cost should always be a determining factor when choosing a mediator, the retainer alone was $5,000, well beyond our budget.
The following week we met with the second mediator. I had all the information that the first mediator asked us to provide - neatly typed and categorized. This saved us about an hour of questions. We had already predetermined what our custody arrangements would be so when we met we were very clear with our ideas. He spent an hour with us and said he predicted our case would take about two to three hours but he did not require a retainer. We were very much at ease with this mediator and chose his firm. He gave us tasks such as creating household budgets. Then, with these budgets in mind, play with the numbers until the money is balanced for both parties. For example, if one spouse receives alimony and child support, the balance after the budget should be almost equal for both parties.
We recently met with the mediator with our budgets in hand, our needs, ideas for the kids, and divided our debt and assets almost down to $1,000. The entire process took about two hours, and we were offered the choice of either bringing all the information ourselves to a divorce lawyer, or for him to draft a Memorandum of Understanding. I chose to present the information myself to my divorce attorney.
To be continued.
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